Not Afraid...+ Unconditional Commitment

Eminem's song "Not Afraid" always gets me pumped up and makes me feel like I can do anything I set my mind to..maybe it's his anger in the song, or the lyrics...whatever it is, it always gets me fired up. Personal trauma in my life lately leaves me laying in my bed in the dark at 5am, not wanting to get up to train. I feel empty inside of any motivation to be great, to go run myself into the ground. But this morning when I quickly checked my email at 5 am, my heart rate went probably about as high as my last VO2 max test...I got some news that just got me ANGRY. My 18 mile run this morning consisted of many things racing through my head, minor panic attacks with me feeling like my heart was in my throat and overall I got home with a new sense of how I am going to live my life.

No more doubting myself, my talent, my hard work or my vision of how great I can be. There are going to be people who do things that hurt me, anger me and betray me, but in the end I still have to take care of ME and those that I love, unconditionally. I LOVE my running and I have to protect it, not let any one take it away from me. I have to stay unconditionally committed to it. Most people have no clue how to stay unconditionally committed to someone or something. They think the grass is greener or they just plain give up!

My future goals and ideas that I have for my life have been shot down by more people than I care to mention. I also tend to get so scared of failure that I try to perfect anything and everything to make sure I DON'T fail. However anything I have set my mind to I have accomplished and I have to remind myself of that....No more being afraid, and it's time to get back on the path I have for my life and never, ever, ever waver from it...Whether it's running, triathlon or both, I will be one of the best in the world. Period. M, D, S, W, W and B, this is for you...

Quotes for today: "If I were asked to give what I consider the single most useful bit of advice for all humanity, it would be this: Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life, and when it comes, hold your head high. Look it squarely in the eye, and say, 'I will be bigger than you. You cannot defeat me.' "- Ann Landers

"Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict."- William E. Channing